Synopsis: Tim Burton directs Johnny Depp who plays Barnabus Collins in this quasi-spoof/reboot of the 60’s Gothic soap opera Dark Shadows. In Collinsport, Maine, in the 1760’s, Barnabus Collins is imprisoned by Angelique a spurned but beautiful witch, who wants his love. In revenge she turns him into a Vampire and locks him in a coffin until he is accidentally released in 1972 and returns to his home, and dysfunctional family descendants. He comes to terms with having to save his family name and the family business from Angelique who has spent the last 200 years trying to destroy the Collins family name and fortune.
Cast:
Johnny Depp portrays Barnabus Collins
Eva Green portrays vengeful witch Angelique Bouchard
Michelle Pfeiffer portrays Elizabeth Collins Stoddard
Helena Bonham Carter portrays Dr. Julia Hoffman
Jackie Earle Haley plays Willie Loomis, the manor’s caretaker.
Jonny Lee Miller as Roger Collins, Elizabeth’s “ne’er-do-well” brother.
Gulliver McGrath as David Collins, Roger’s “precocious” 10-year-old son
Bella Heathcote as Victoria Winters/Maggie Evans, David’s governess and Barnabas’ love interest, she also plays the role of Josette Du Pres. Victoria and Maggie Evans’ roles, separate in the series, were combined in the film.
Chloe Grace Moretz as Carolyn, Elizabeth’s rebellious teenage daughter.
Ray Shirley as Mrs. Johnson, the manor’s elderly maid.
Christopher Lee as Silas Clarney, a “king of the fishermen who spends a lot of time in the local pub, The Blue Whale.”
Alice Cooper as himself.
Ivan Kaye as Joshua Collins, the father of Barnabas Collins.
Susanna Cappellero as Naomi Collins, the mother of Barnabas Collins.
William Hope as Sheriff Bill of Collinsport
Review: You would think that the one – two punch of a Burton/Depp collaboration would whet anyone’s appetite to spend their hard earned cash on seeing this film. Tim Burton is arguably one of the finest directors of Gothic pieces, set design and storytelling, unfortunately this is one of his lesser efforts. Depp’s take on Barnabus Collins is as an eccentric a performance as we have come to expect from Depp, that said, this fish out of water story really loses steam quickly. Angelique is one bad witch and Eva Green does an admirable job up against the eccentricities of Depp’s Barnabus.
Michelle Pfeiffer as Elizabeth Collins Stoddard portrays the family matriarch and really has little to do in this role. You can see her dysfunction as the Collins Estate is falling apart and she keeps a hired live-in psychiatrist Dr. Julia Hoffman. The rest of her family includes a rebellious, provocative daughter Carolyn, Elizabeth’s brother Rodger an indifferent father to his son David,who has delusions that he can speak to his dead mother, Doctor Hoffman an alcoholic psychiatrist who is payed unsuccessfully to help David overcome his delusion and also several eccentric servants that work at the Collinswood mansion.
Rocker Alice Cooper has a cameo, Depp as Barnabus Collins refers to Cooper as the “ugliest woman he has ever seen”. Also Christopher Lee appears in the film along with Helena Bonham Carter and an assortment of character actors doing their best to make this campy reboot better than it actual turns out to be.
There are a few joys in this film mostly by Depp who has the best lines in the film and his portrayal is worth a look see. On the whole I would wait to rent this on DVD after all even a bad Burton film isn’t all that bad.
Recommended: 
The Lone Ranger
7 JulCast
Johnny Depp-Tonto
Armie Hammer-John Reid, a k a the Lone Ranger
Tom Wilkinson-Latham Cole
William Fichtner-Butch Cavendish
Barry Pepper-Capt. Fuller
James Badge Dale-Dan Reid
Ruth Wilson-Rebecca Reid
Helena Bonham Carter-Red Harrington
Saginaw Grant-Chief Big Bear
Review: Being a confirmed baby boomer I remember the legend of The Lone Ranger and Tonto, with a mighty hi-ho silver away and the William Tell overture bringing nostalgic memories of television shows past. Before the The Lone Ranger was part of the television landscape his stories came on the heels of the great depression, and at the time was a popular adventure radio broadcast. The series in both cases were rife with cowboy and Indian stereotypes, despicable villains and reflected a time that many people today would consider politically incorrect. The question then remains how do you bring the archaic to modern audiences in a way that can be appreciated by today’s young demographic and please those of us who grew up with the legend? Perhaps the answer comes in the form of one Johnny Depp, in his role of Tonto, an aging Indian, with a dead crow on his head, telling a child at a western carnival side show the true origin of The Lone Ranger. The carnival is in San Francisco in the year 1933, not coincidently I presume, the year the radio show was first broadcast.
As the boy wonders into the tent to see western history come alive, he wanders passed the stuffed bears and animals and comes to a statue of a native American, the plaque on the front of the window reads The Noble Savage in his native habitat. Underneath the wrinkly prosthetics is Johnny Depp as Tonto, not unlike Dustin Hoffman’s old man in the film, Little Big Man. The boy hangs on Tonto’s every word as the story begins in flashback.
The story centers around the building of the Trans-Continental railway through the old west. There are corrupt officials, Tom Wilkinson as Latham Cole, bad guys such as the Butch Cavendish gang, warring Indian tribes, Cavalry officers, explosions, love interest, Ruth Wilson as Rebecca Reid, golden hearted prostitutes on the side of good, Helen Bohnham Carter as Red Harrington, Tonto as a crazy Indian excommunicated from his tribe who becomes a crazy mentor to John Reid a.k.a. he Lone Ranger.
Gore Verbinski directed from a script by, Justin Haythe, Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio. The film mixes witty verbiage, cliché’ bashing, the William Tell Overture beautifully interpolated into the score at appropriate times, spot gags and plenty of eye candy. The film pays homage to such directors as John Ford in its use of Monument Valley for location shooting, Buster Keaton’s the General and of course to the mythos behind The Ranger’s physics defying horse Silver.
The film comes across as extremely entertaining but is in truth a mixed bag. With all the attempt to give the past versions of the myth a modern twist neither is really served. There were times that the film’s homage worked so well you can’t help but smile and say yes, but alas those moments are brief and the amount of well edited bloodshed mixed with witty banter distracts rather than invites.
In the end the film is a worthy attempt, and with all the Pirates Of the Caribbean movie sequels it is nice to watch Depp having the time of his life playing yet another eccentric outcast. So if the old question was “Who was that masked man?” the new question as written into the script is, “What’s with the mask?”
FYI: There is a scene of a child being hit across the face, it is well edited but still may be intense for younger children, be warned
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Tags: Armie Hammer, cinema, Cinema Review, commentary, Disney, entertainment, film, films, Helena Bonham Carter, Johnny Depp, Movies, reviews, summer movies, The Lone Ranger, Tom Wilkinson